davemclain.com

I’m working on coding up a map application for Austin Stone using Google’s freshly released API. Before they released the API i had a map working that was plotting the locations of all the community groups at Austin Stone using a dynamically generated XML file pulling from a database that could accept regular addresses as input into the database and dynamically change them into lat/lng pairs. It was awesome. Like really, really awesome. Too bad it was in what i like to call a gray area of Google’s Terms of Service meaning, that it was probably (almost certainly) against Google’s TOS, but i had sufficient optimism/curiosity/desire to ignore that. Google’s API is almost completely incompatable. So now i have to redesign the system either rewriting the scripts or rewriting the interface to the API. There is however a third option, i can wholesale copy/paste the implementation of another site that had more invested in the Old Style over to the new style. Essentially put in a thick layer of glue. It makes me cringe, but i’ve spent about 4 hours now and i’ve just barely gotten it to the point where it displays some of the points from a static file, and IE has the balloons all kinds of broken. If you’ve ever seriously written software the idea of basically slaughtering an API to provide backwards compatability with a mildly illlegal, incredibly unofficial, hacked beta sounds about as appealing as eating a coke can. If you think i’m a ranting lunatic, you haven’t written enough software, to be fair neither have i to be talking like this. But i think i’ve trudged through enough write only perl scripts at Amazon and the net to at least have a decent picture of what this monstrosity of XSL, XML, PHP, SQL, Javascript and HTML would look like to anybody who didn’t lovingly craft it into what it is today: a non-functional hunk of crap.

In other news, WOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!!!!!! If you don’t know why i’m so excited, then it’s ok you’re in the majority. But (as always) it’s getting better and better to be a Stoner Austin Stone Partner. Now excuse me while i go and huddle in the corner in the fetal position at the immenisty of the road(s) before me. If you’re now even more confused/concerned about what i’m talking about, it’s ok, there’s only somewhere between 2 and 6 people who could truly understand.

Amazon: So my manager is getting e-mails from other managers asking about my project daily. Also the number of e-mails we’re getting from sellers about the issue it will solve seems to have increased in frequency as well. Also the seller conference is the weekend after i’m done so i’m going to have to make a very difficult decision about whether to stay in Seattle and bask in the gratitude of 3rd party sellers (by which i mean get some free food and likely get yelled at for the percieved deficiencies in our system).

And finally, i was cruising amazon today, and i came across a book that somehow looked familiar. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/0446532754/qid=1120196192/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/002-8368284-3732812?
v=glance&s=books Apparently Mark has really been dialin’ it in.

I’m so stoked, you have no idea.

The difference between a west coast storm and a Texas storm is profound. On the west coast, a storm comes and plants itself like a stereotypical mother-in-law. It hovers, occasionally letting loose a slight drizzle, not sufficient to require any response, just enough to let you know it’s there, it just continually lets you know its still here, continuing on long after it should have ended, like this sentence. A Texas storm makes its presense known. When a Texas storm comes in, you see it on the horizon and you know to get ready. A Texas thunderstorm’ll soak you to the bone in seconds if you let it. I never understood why my car had a fast wiper setting until moving out there. But they seem to know when they’ve overstayed their welcome. If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes.

<insert metaphor here>

I haven’t said anything about my project, and i’m reasonably sure i’m not allowed to. But anyway, it’s customer facing, so that’s intense.

You could make a case that i plan on putting food on my table for the rest of my life based on emergent complexity. Simple rules act together in interesting ways that can be harnessed to perform very complex tasks. Simple rules about how to manipulate states of on or off are implemented using transistors, chained together to perform more complex tasks like addition, multiplexing, control logic, etc. These can be set up to pull bits from a storage device and interpret them as instructions. From there rules about memory management, i/o, and task switching define an operating system which then handles the many and varied programs that i’ll be writing until God decides otherwise. Computer science as a discipline is frequently using simple units together to do complex things.

From my office on the 7th floor in the Pac Med building on Beacon Hill i have an excellent view of downtown Seattle and Interstate 5 snaking thorugh it. It’s very interesting to see the same traffic patterns recurring day after day. Some of the recurring behaviors are horribly stupid from my vantage point, frequently causing a horrible slow down in the fast lane of northbound 5. It’s an interesting contrast between my job of using simple commands to do complex tasks and the interstate, which is inherently very complex organisms doing an inately simple task. You would think that with so many people horribly overqualified for the task at hand, that the slow cars would be over in the slow lanes for climbing the hill while more capable cars would be able to speed along in the fast lane. But every day this theory is proven wrong. Rather than emergent complexity, there is emergent stupidity. How tragic.

Acts 2:42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. I miss this.

2 Tim 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 8 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9 who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. I’m forgetting this.

2 Tim 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24 And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. I’m failing at this.

This is halfway through week 5 of 12 in Seattle. Its hard to believe that i’m that far in, but at the same time its hard to believe i’m so far from the end. I’m mulling over Matt Carter’s sermon from the 19th about Jesus not coming to change our external environment, but rather to change us, the implications of that are enormous–especially when combined with Mark Driscoll’s (much longer) sermon on God’s providence and sovereignty. I’m taking hope that no matter what’s going on now, God’s hand is in it working for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28) and that at the end of the last days, God wins. The sealing of the redeemed is so fully assured that it’s spoken of in the past tense, its already happened, we’re already seated in the heavenly places (Ephesians 2:1-8) Fantastic. But i’m having trouble finding joy in that. Maybe that’s what i’m supposed to figure out this summer. Maybe i’m not taking joy in God, but rather in his bride, the church. My friends from Texas, especially my roommate, have noticed that i’m not as happy here as i am in Texas, and though its understandable on the superficial level of “almost all my friends are 2000 miles or more away” it shouldn’t be in the light of “my best friend/loving father/all-powerful God of the universe is closer than my breath”. I don’t know how to get back to being satisfied in God, and worse i’m starting to wonder if i ever truly was satisfied in God alone.

Apparently if i had wanted to stay in Austin for the summer, i only would have needed patience. IBM called me up about 3 weeks after i accepted the internship with Amazon.com. And just this morning, i got a call from Sun Microsystems. The moral of the story is: don’t wait until the middle of June to look throught the resumes you get in late February.

Oh, and hacking Google maps is fun. I can’t say anthing else, since i swore myself to silence, suffice it to say that Levi Smith is going to be a very happy camper.

Paul Graham essays are dangerous. For a few days now i’ve been semi-day-dreaming (or is that day-semi-dreaming?) about next summer trying to start a company. With the money that amazon is so graciously providing, i could support the lifestyle i’ve become accustomed to through the end of 2006, and i could easily extend that indefinitely with the job post that my roommate Austin and friend Dylan are abandoning in the Nati Sci department at UT. Tech support with decent hours and good pay, on campus, sounds pretty ideal.

Of course, i have no real idea what there’s a need for right now in terms of software for small businesses, but somehow that seems like a minor detail from this distance, which is a strange feeling. My dad told me that one of the things that this summer would teach me is whether or not i want to work for a big company or not, and i think that after working on a specification for what is admittedly not a large project for over a week, i think i’d rather be in a situation where the specification is that there’s one or two really smart people working with me and we need to get a product together real quick or in 3 months we all have to go get jobs in order to eat.

When i run through my list of friends, i can already see the various people who would be good candidates for partners. Of course the whole thing would be predicated on getting at least one other person on board, but somehow that doesn’t seem that hard. I guess those are the hallmarks of a good daydream, a lofty end result with a clear lack of middle steps, yet not caring at all.

And of course, if we did do SFP, next summer would again, not be spent in Austin.

It doesn’t work.

Of all the problems with America, the greatest is the lack of men. We’re an entire generation that doesn’t know how to step up, doesn’t know how to take responsibility, doesn’t know how to lead. I guess it’s not surprising since we’ve become a culture of serial polygamists, divorcing and re-marrying as if marriage were no more than a piece of paper, andincreasingly that’s all it is. And so rather than mimicing our fathers, we mimic that which we see portrayed in our culture. Watch any action film and you’ll see the same hero; reckless, with all the best toys, physically attractive, and pursues physical intimacy with at least one female character who oftentimes only exists in the plot as a toy for the hero.

Conversations i have with my peers constantly scare me, because i realize that i’m not alone in being completely terrified by everything that i’m supposed to be. They scare me because i see in so many of us a constant tension between our image and our reality. We don’t know how to be men, so we try to act like men. In my life, i think that’s manifested itself as my constant struggle to be seen as smart, to be seen as intelligent beyond my years. Being proven wrong is real painful for me because for much of my life its been the definition of who i am. And many times i’ve pushed myself into corners through procrastination and laziness to push intelligence and cleverness further. I used to think it was because of the thrill of the last minute, but oftentimes i wonder if its because i want to fail. For so long i’ve defined my false self as one who does not fail, and so illogically i could become who i am through failure.As if somehow by forcing the outward sign, i could manifest the inward change. It is only in our most vulnerable moments that most of us let the distance between who we are and who we show the world be observed, but the men that i have had the priviledge to know well enough to see behind the shell have shown me that which has encouraged me. It is not a shell but a skin.

When there is a tension between who we are, what we want to become and what we ought to become, something has to give. For most of America in this “enlightened” age, morality is a four letter word, so ought goes right out the window, leaving a boy only aware of the difference between where he stands, and where he wants to be. The first lie that’s been told to us since we were old enough to get a gold star, is that we should just be happy with who we are, that acceptance of everything is the way to go. Please don’t misunderstand me and think that i’m saying that there is no room for self worth and satisfaction, but there’s no room for complacency. This is the touchy-feely maturation process whereby you’ve achieved the optimum state by bringing your shell closer and closer inward until you’re showing your weak self to the world. The second lie is that of pretending to actually be that person you say you are. Congratulations, you’re the guy who can drink every other guy under the table. Good job, you’re the guy who can bench press your extended-cab pick-up. Fantastic, you’re the guy who can pull an A on the final without studying. Those are all fine accomplishments (except the first one) but they’re all just an act.

The reality of becoming a man must bring in the concept of ought. Obviously, i have a rather particular view of the set of things that are included in ought, but for the purposes of masculinity and manhood i think it boils down to three things: responsibility, leadership, and action. Responsiblity is probably the one that most of us are choking on. Why should we take responsibility? Clearly, it’s x’s fault. I didn’t get this grade because i didn’t go to class, i got it because the professor was a jerk (i’m reasonably sure i’ve said this about every B i’ve ever gotten). For most of us college guys, we grew up in an affluent environment where most of our actions were unlikely to result in consequences of any real magnitude, upon showing up on a college campus responsibilities weren’t increased, they were decreased. With freedom came a list of duties, but many of us gave them a quick look and said “maybe after the weekend”. Gradually we learned that many of them could not be ignored forever (we do need clean clothes). But in my life i see a pattern whereby i’m constantly avoiding any of my responsibilities until they absolutely have to be addressed. That’s not a man, that’s a boy.And i’m tired of it.

Leadership. I’ve got a serious problem with pride. There have been times when i’ve been completely blinded from the truth by pride. For much of my life, i thought leadership was merely being in charge, and, in my pride, i naturally thought that i should be the leader. Wrong. True leadership is two things: service and responsibility. Leadership doesn’t take place in a vaccuum ever. It is at it’s center an interaction among people, whether they know it or not. It is completely unnecessary without a higher goal, if there isn’t something that is being reached for, then there’s no unification within the team. Therefore, the leader must be serving some higher organization or goal. But the service isn’t merely upward facing, that is a hallmark of bad leadership. It also involves serving the ones you are leading. Many times being the leader means having to trade off this service to the higher goal and the service to followers. A seargent in war could spare his men by avoiding the battle, but it would be a loss to the greater cause. On the opposite tack, he could lead them in a frontal assault in an attempt to win for the cause quickly. The wise leader though searches for the ground that serves both. All of us boys who haven’t grown up yet are just serving ourselves, and so leadership looks great because that’s where the glory is, that’s where the benefits are. And consequently, when we achieve leadership, it’s disastrous for all involved. Broken marriages, wrecked companies, twisted lives. A boy striving for leadership is like a dog running after a car, it’s not the much of a problem, and the dog might even learn something after doing it a few times, but what would the dog do if it caught the car? It sure doesn’t know, but whatever it is it can’t end well. Responsibility: see above.

Action. Men don’t just talk about it, they get it done. Action is intimately intertwined with responsibility and leadership. This is simultaneously the easiest and the hardest of the three. So much of our fiber screams to be let loose against everything, but at the same time there are habits, formed as boys, that must be broken. Action is where men prove themselves by not acting out of fear and also by not being fearless, but rather by conquering fear and doing what must be done. The fears we have to overcome are many: rejection, loneliness, weakness, exposure, being wrong, inadequacy, and many more. Action means standing up for what you know is right, whether it’s speaking out against off-color jokes or telling your daughter her dress is too short or if it’s finding out what that noise downstairs was or defending your country. This is the most visible sign of manhood, the willingness to act on what he stands for.

We live in a culture where “becoming a man” is a euphamism for having sex. And i’m sick and tired of being lied to. This world needs more men, and i look forward to the battles ahead for my brothers and i.

Thank you to all the men out there who have shaped me and brought me to where i am today. Dad, thank you for leading our family.

In my experience, it seems to be a fairly common trait among CS majors to gradually acquire a large amount of various makes of computers in various states of operation. I think I maxed out at 3 during last year (laptop, desktop, crufty desktop) and managed to bottom out at zero through a hybrid of donation, disposal and deposit. This was a very strange situation, to be a CS major, working for a major technology company, yet owning only two devices capable of running a linux kernel (my phone and my iPod, you own more computing power than you think) and nothing capable of having a keyboard plugged into it.

Upon arriving at work I was presented with my laptop (1.8GHz Pentium M + 1 GB RAM) as well as shown to my development desktop (3.4 GHz Pentium 4 + 2 GB RAM), which is all well and good, except for some of the more draconian restrictions on personal use. Today however I obtained from the company an 833 MHz, 512MB clunker of a laptop for a ridiculous bargain of $60.

Woot.

And today there was sun.

Apparently T-mobile has learned to change timezones for billing me. During my earlier time spent on the West Coast, i was definitely charged minutes as if i was in Texas, so nights started at 7. I’ve used up 327 of my 600 minutes already, and i’ve got 12 peak days left before my plan rolls over again. Last month i used 567 minutes during the day (out of 1414 total) So i looked into upgrading my plan, and for 6 bucks more/month they’ll bump me to 1000 anytime minutes and free nights and weekends. Score.

My roommate got into town last night, so it’ll be a tad less quiet around the apt. Ah well.

I guess I kinda said something about telling yall about the retreat….It was awesome, I met a lot of cool men in my church out here. Heard a PG-13 sermon, first time that’s happened (the pastor literally suggested to all the father’s that if they had a son that was under 13 years of age there, the son should leave). If you want to know more, feel free to e-mail me.

I miss the sun.